Play as a Reset Button: Smoother After-School Pickups and Evenings

For many parents of preschoolers and young children, one of the most unexpectedly tough moments of the day isn’t always the morning rush or bedtime—it’s that first transition after pickup.

You’ve missed your child and are excited to see them. Or maybe you just had a tough day and you are exhausted by the time you pick them up. They run into your arms (or maybe they don’t). And then… meltdowns. Whining. Or maybe they just shut down and want to be left alone or not talk at all. This snowballs into irritability for you, anxiety & more afternoon meltdowns. What’s going on?

This moment—reuniting after a full day apart—is actually one of the biggest transitions in your child’s day we often overlook. At school or daycare, they’ve spent hours following rules, managing big feelings, navigating social interactions, and holding it together. They do all of this away from their safe, trusted, most favorite person (YOU!). When they see you again, all that built-up emotion may come spilling out or slowly trickle into the rest of your day.

It’s not a reflection of poor behavior— you and your child are in a big transition and oftentimes this transition sets the tone for rest of your day. This is the time to co-regulate, reconnect, and RESET.

Why is the After School Transition Tough?

Every child and family is unique, so I encourage you to reflect and tune into what might be making the after school transition so tough for your family.

Common reasons I see that contribute to making pick up and transition into the rest of the day difficult:

• They missed you all day! Sometimes expressing it is a mix of over-excitement, sadness or more. (and even just 2-3 hours can feel like a LONG time for little ones)

• They are hungry- for some kids they do not eat their snacks/lunch at school or daycare like they might at home.

• They have to transition from "school structure & expectations" to "home structure" with you - neither good nor bad but a transition none-the-less.

• They have been listening to directions all day from their teachers.

• They need movement after being inside or doing structured seated activities at school.

• They might be tired from a long day of playing and learning.

• We are rushing at pick up and parent stress & overwhelm is adding to the meltdown.

• We are asking too many questions or giving too many directions right away.

• We are on edge if the teacher will give a "good" or "bad" report of the day.

• We want to know all about their day but they don't want to talk about it - leads to stress or tension.

My Top Recommendation to Support the After-School Transition: Use PLAY to reset!

Offer parent-child special playtime as the very first thing you do after pickup. This playtime with you can work wonders to support the rest of your day together and can become a RESET button for your child & YOU.

• 10-15 minutes

• Child-led, undistracted play (put aside those chores and to do list - you'll get to them)

• Let your child choose the activity (maybe have some preset choices for them for consistency)

• Try to follow their lead without questions, teaching, correcting, or directing

• Have fun!

This special time helps your child reconnect with you emotionally (after missing you all day) and regulate their nervous system which is essential before moving into the evening routine.

Connection Time = More Regulated Kids

The way I see it, if 10–15 minutes of connection time through special playtime can help prevent longer, more exhausting clinginess, meltdowns, and connection-seeking behaviors, then it’s absolutely worth taking that time to have a smoother day together.

How Special Playtime Reset Sets the Tone for the Whole Evening

When you start with play after pickup, you’re not just helping your child regulate in that moment—you’re laying the foundation for a smoother evening. A child who feels reconnected and safe is better able to handle the natural flow of the rest of the routines ahead: eating dinner, moving through bath time, and winding down for bed - which we are know are notoriously known for being difficult and the time of day kids (and adults) are least regulated.

Think of it like filling their “connection cup” . When it’s full, there’s less likely to be as much pushback, fewer power struggles, and more cooperation. Instead of fighting through routines with an overstimulated or disconnected child, you’ve already given them the reset they need. This makes it easier for them to transition into the structure of your evening—whether that’s fun activities, family dinner, or bedtime rituals.

In other words: a few minutes of connected play time upfront can save you stress later

Extra Helpful Tips to Support Your Child's Transition After-School:

✨ First, take a breath: We know transitions are hard and after school pick up and activities can feel stressful for parents- take a breath to regulate yourself first.

✨ Offer a snack: Hunger often fuels after-school meltdowns. Having a snack prepped ready to go can help support your child in regulating during this transition.

✨ Less questions: Instead of asking, “How was your day?” try letting them lead if they want to share about anything fun that they liked from the day or just put some music on and let them decompress on the car drive.

✨ Build a consistent routine: If your child knows what to expect after pickup—snack, playtime, then bathtime, etc.—it can reduce the uncertainty and power struggles. Talk about your routine for the rest of your day with your child.

✨ Create a special goodbye and hello ritual: A song you sing together, special handshake, a hug & silly dance as you walk away, etc. This makes them feel special and creates predictability.

✨ Add movement into your routine: This can be playground time/outside time or even just doing some animal movements together from the car to the front door. Movement is regulating!

✨ Fun feelings check in: Incorporate a simple & fun way to communicate feelings to practice the skill or expressing themselves during hard transitions. This can be as simple as printing feeling faces and pointing to what we feel or making a game out of it!

✨ Give grace to both of you: These transitions can feel messy and hard. You’re not doing it wrong. You and your child are just finding your way back to each other after a long day apart.

If this time of day continues to be a challenge, reach out for support from a professional in your area.

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