“You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

— A.A. Milne, Winnie the Pooh

Understanding Anxiety in Toddlers and Preschoolers

Anxiety and fears in young children are more common than many people realize. Whether it's separation anxiety, nervousness about trying new things or meeting new people, or specific fears about certain places or situations—anxiety in the early years often shows up in ways that can be confusing.

With anxiety levels rising in both adults and children, it’s more important than ever to understand how stress and anxiety present in young kids. In this post, I’ll share some of the most common signs I see in my work with young children, common fears that are typical and tips for parents.

How Anxiety & Stress Show Up in Young Children (Under 5)

Parents often think of anxiety as something that shows up in words—worrying, overthinking, or specific fears. But for young children, especially those under five, anxiety doesn’t usually use words. Instead, it shows up in behaviors, physical symptoms, and emotional outbursts that can be puzzling or mistaken for “bad behavior.”

If your little one seems more sensitive, emotional, or reactive than usual, it may not be defiance or stubbornness—it could be anxiety or stress trying to make itself known.

Signs of Anxiety in Young Children

Here are some common (and often overlooked) ways anxiety can show up in young children:

1. Excessive Clinginess
Your child may become more attached than usual—crying when you leave the room, refusing to go to daycare, or constantly needing to hold your hand. This is often a form of separation anxiety and can reappear during times of stress or transition.

2. Frequent Meltdowns
Tantrums aren’t always about defiance. Young children often lack the words or emotional tools to express big feelings. Anxiety can show up as intense outbursts, especially in unfamiliar situations or when routines shift.

3. Sleep Difficulties
An anxious child may struggle to fall asleep, wake frequently, or have nightmares. Bedtime refusal may also be a sign they’re seeking closeness or feeling afraid of being alone.

4. Regression
A previously potty-trained child might start having accidents again. They might start using “baby talk” again, ask for a pacifier or bottle, or want help with tasks they used to do independently. This regression is often a way to seek comfort and reassurance (in the ways they used to) when they are feeling stress.

5. Physical Complaints
Instead of saying “I’m anxious,” a young child might say “my tummy hurts” or “I feel yucky.” Anxiety can manifest physically through stomachaches, headaches, or other vague discomforts—especially when there’s no clear medical cause.

6. Avoidance
An anxious child may avoid certain people, places, or activities—refusing daycare, avoiding loud places, or showing fear of animals or noises. Avoidance is the brain’s way of steering away from perceived scary threats around them.

Common & Typical Fears in Kids Under 5

Young children are learning a lot about the world in a short amount of time—sometimes it feels big and scary. Some common, developmentally appropriate fears include:

• Stranger anxiety: Often starts around 6–9 months and peaks between 12–15 months.

• Separation anxiety: Begins around 8–10 months and can last through toddlerhood.

• Fear of the dark or monsters (aka those bedtime fears)

• Fear of being away from parents

• Loud noises, animals, or people in costumes

• Doctors or shots

These fears are part of healthy development and reflect a growing imagination, deeper attachment to caregivers, and increasing awareness of the world.

Why Are Fears So Intense in the Early Years?

• Between ages 3–5, children’s imaginations are growing rapidly, but they’re not yet able to fully separate fantasy from reality. This can make fears feel very real and intense. It’s important not to dismiss these fears just because you know they aren’t “logical.” Young children simply aren’t there yet developmentally.

• They’re still learning how to regulate emotions, and they are not yet able to self-regulate consistently. They need support from loving, calm caregivers to co-regulate and work through big feelings.

• They also can't quite vocalize their worries, fears and emotions to us yet. As they get older, this will get easier for them.

When Should I Be Concerned?

Some anxiety is expected—but here are signs it might be more than just a developmental phase:

• Persistent, intense worry lasting more than 4 weeks

• Avoidance of age-appropriate activities (e.g., refusing preschool, not playing with friends, etc.)

• Ongoing physical complaints with no medical explanation

• Regression that doesn’t improve with reassurance

• Sleep issues that affect mood or daytime functioning

• Anxiety that interferes with family routines, relationships, or causes distress for you or your child

If you're concerned, don’t hesitate to reach out to a pediatrician or child therapist.

Early support can make a big difference.

How Can I Support My Child with Anxiety, Fears or Stress:

✅ Start with Taking a Breath for Yourself
Your calm, grounded presence makes all the difference. You are the person they are looking to make sense of confusing and scary things around them. I want you to find some calm first.

✅ Name it
Help your child label their feelings.
“Looks like you're feeling nervous about saying bye to Mommy.”

✅ Respond with Validation & Confidence
Acknowledge their feelings while showing belief in their ability. This build their confidence that they can handle scary things.
“I see you're scared to climb up to the top of the slide, but I know you can do it.”

✅ Create Routines
Predictability and consistency helps reduce anxiety. Simple, consistent routines give children a sense of safety and control. (Especially at drop offs and bedtime!)

✅ Recognize Your Own Anxieties
ALL parents have stressful days and feel anxious too sometimes (raising littles is often chaotic!). Be mindful of when your own anxiety might be popping up and model for your child healthy ways to cope with stress.

✅ Become a Curious Detective
Try to identify potential stressors in your child’s environment. This can help you make plans to support them and build resilience.

✅ Read Books Together
Choose books about emotions or ones that relate to your child’s specific fears. Stories help kids make sense of what they feel inside.

✅ Connection Time
In times of stress and overwhelm are when it is important to have time to connect through play with your child. The parent-child connection provides the strongest sense of safety, security and confidence for your child to face the scary world. Find small moments to slow down, get on the floor and laugh & smile with your little one.

✅ Remember: You are their Safe Haven
One of my favorite resources for parents is the Circle of Security video. It beautifully illustrates the role you play in helping your child feel safe and supported.

Parents, you’ve got this! Your child isn’t being dramatic or manipulative—they’re doing the best they can with the tools they have in learning to manage all these emotions. And with your love and support, they’ll learn to face those big, scary feelings with courage.

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Anxiety & Stress in Toddlers and Preschoolers